Why do teenagers always go out in odd numbers? Because they can’t even. #ClassicJokeFriday

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) September 12, 2014

“I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.” -Joan Rivers

— Emma Roberts (@RobertsEmma) September 5, 2014

I need ten more Burberry ponchos and then I’ll only need four more Burberry ponchos until I’m happy.

— White Girl Problems (@whitegrlproblem) September 8, 2014

The reaction to ‘fireproof’ has been unbelievable , really makes us excited for you to hear the rest of FOUR! Thank you xx

— Niall Horan (@NiallOfficial) September 10, 2014

Big shoutout to nature for not giving wings to snakes.

— Jennifer Lawrence (@itsjenIawrence) September 9, 2014