An Educated Choice (A 1st Tale)


Two women have a conversation in a cafeLunch.  It was such a simple concept.  Mid-day meal, meeting with my older sister Emily, like I’d done countless times over the course of my life.  I placed both hands flat on the table in front of me to steady myself, because much as I wanted to try and think this was just like every other lunch I’d had with Emily, I knew it was quite the opposite.  

A gentle spring breeze blew across the outdoor cafe area and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the promise of new possibilities in the air.  I tried to prepare for the conversation ahead by going over how Emily might react…

Emily: You’re what?

Shannon:  Pregnant.  

Emily: How is that possible?  You’re a lesbian.  

(Emily would probably pause here to tuck a strand of blond hair behind her ear in an attempt to continue in as non-judgmental way as possible.  Because Emily was a fantastic sister that way.)  

Emily: I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be so blunt.  Aren’t you?  I mean, it’s cool if that’s something that’s evolving or something for you… I mean… are you and Sydney okay?  Does she know?  Did something happen with someone else…?

Shannon: Sydney and I are fine.  Yes, she knows.  Technically, something happened with someone else.  She was with me when I had it done.  

Emily: It… done…?

Shannon: I got artificially inseminated.

Emily: You… what?  

(Emily’s pale skin would turn a whiter shade of pale at this and even the limits of her awesome sisterliness would clearly be tested.)

Shannon: I got arti-

Emily: Okay, so I did hear you correctly. I… don’t understand.  You’re still in college; you still have senior year left after this year is done…

Shannon: Which will be in about a month.

Emily: True, but still.  I mean, how far along are you?

Shannon: About two months and a half months.  

(I would duck my head for the onslaught I knew would be coming.  Suddenly the chicken sandwich would be very important to study.)

Emily: Two and a half MONTHS?  You’ve known for two and a half months and you didn’t say anything?

Shannon: Well, we didn’t know if it would take.  Technically, you’re not supposed to say anything until the end of the first trimester.  

Emily: But why didn’t you talk to me about it before?  When you were deciding?  She didn’t pressure you into this did she?  I know she comes from a big family…

Shannon: She does, but no, she didn’t pressure me at all.  In fact, she said until she met me, she wasn’t sure she wanted to have children.

(It would likely be about here that the floodgates open, if I had to guess.)

Emily: But you guys aren’t even married yet.  And now that you can get married in NJ, don’t you want to do that first?  I mean, how will you raise a child?  Where will you live?  Are you staying in school?  You have to stay in school!  Will you be able to stay in school?  You have such a high GPA!  This will be so hard!  What will you do with the baby when you’re both in school, since Syd still has her senior year left and then med school?  If you’re nearly three months along, that means you’ll probably be giving birth right around Thanksgiving, which is right before the holidays and finals and…

Shannon: Okay, okay, hang on.  One thing at a time.

(Emily would take a deep breath and slow down.  Lower her voice.)

Emily: Sha-Sha, I’m just worried about you.  Why now?

Shannon: Well, it started when I read an article about how miscarriage rates are higher the older you get…

Emily: Yeah, but mom had both of us just fine in her forties.  

(Here, I would have to pause.  I knew it would have to be talked about.  But it was likely to be the hardest part of the conversation.)

Shannon:  Yes… and… and she’s gone, Em. Sixty-three years old and she’s gone.  They both are.  Neither she nor daddy will see me graduate from college or get married.  Don’t you remember how tired they were when you had rehearsals or when I had dance class?  And it just got worse.  

Emily: Okay, fine.  

(Emily would look away, down the street, up at the sky, or maybe try to find a waiter to refresh her diet Coke. After a deep breath, she would be able to continue.) 

Emily:Fine.  But a) that’s not necessarily the norm and b) no one said you had to wait until you were forty-two or forty-five mom did.  Why not when you’re thirty or so?  Then Syd will be done with med school and residency, I think, and actually be bringing in money.  You’ll be able to focus on getting tenured and then you could’ve…

(I’d hold up a hand to have her stop.)

Shannon: Because doing it now, I’ll be able to enjoy the baby, and the process with all the stamina I have.  The baby will only be six months old by the time I get done with school.  I can handle my GPA until then.  Professors always work with students who have families, or other needs to work around, if they know in advance and you show that you’Å•e working hard.  Then I can stay at home and raise the baby while Syd continues to med school.  Her parents said they’d help us out…

Emily: Wait, you told her parents before you told me?!  

Shannon: I’m sorry!  We only told them this past weekend.  We were trying to start getting things in order… They offered to watch the baby sometimes, and also to help us get an apartment if we can’t get into family housing for the fall.  And since Syd has six brothers and sisters, five of whom are local and love kids, there are a ton of built-in babysitters.  Plus Rutgers has childcare facilities for students.  And… well, if you might be interested or able, you could maybe watch the baby sometimes, too?

(Emily would look at me, scrutinizing what I’d said.)

Emily: So you are staying in school?

Shannon:  Yes.  I want to finish out my degree, then focus on the baby until it’s old enough to go to school.  Probably get a part-time job, maybe do some freelance writing.  Syd and I have started talking about getting married once we graduate next spring.  But the bottom line is I want to be home and enjoying the process, not juggling a career and taking care of my kid during the most formative years.

Emily: Okay.  I guess I can understand that.  But babies are expensive, you know?  Food, diapers, clothes, doctors, activities.  The money mom and dad left us isn’t going to last forever.

Shannon:  I know, I know.  We’re trying not to freak out over it all.  Right now, we’re still making a plan.  Currently, I’m working part-time at the school library.  I can continue that right up until the doctor says I can’t.  Syd’s and my school is paid for, at least for our Bachelor’s.  Her parents said they’d help us with an apartment in the fall, maybe the summer, even.  She’s got the weekend bartending job that can go full-time in the summer.  We both have health insurance, and the baby will be covered.  I really think we can make this work.  People make it on so much less than this.  We’re actually really lucky to have such supportive family like you…

(I would give my sister my best yet cheesiest your-little-sister-needs-you smile and Emily would roll her eyes.  But she would also smile that of-course-I’m-here-for-you smile.  There might be a hint of I-still-think-you’re-a-bit-crazy-to-do-this-now, but the support and love would trump the fears.)

Emily: Alright, alright. I’ll baby-sit the little rugrat.  

(End scene. Roll credits.)

It was a nice interaction.  It gave me confidence.

As I shook my head from the reverie, I saw my sister coming towards my table.  I took a deep breath, and prayed our conversation would play out similarly in real life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Genalissa Smith lives the gorgeous state of Mississippi and is exceptionally grateful for her family and friends. Her passions include singing, dancing, cuddling, theater, reading, writing, and driving. It is a distinct dream of hers to one day have tea and chocolate with Darren Criss, Crystal Bowersox, and RuPaul.

pregnancy

Two women have a conversation in a cafeLunch.  It was such a simple concept.  Mid-day meal, meeting with my older sister Emily, like I’d done countless times over the course of my life.  I placed both hands flat on the table in front of me to steady myself, because much as I wanted to try and think this was just like every other lunch I’d had with Emily, I knew it was quite the opposite.  

A gentle spring breeze blew across the outdoor cafe area and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the promise of new possibilities in the air.  I tried to prepare for the conversation ahead by going over how Emily might react…

Emily: You’re what?

Shannon:  Pregnant.  

Emily: How is that possible?  You’re a lesbian.  

(Emily would probably pause here to tuck a strand of blond hair behind her ear in an attempt to continue in as non-judgmental way as possible.  Because Emily was a fantastic sister that way.)  

Emily: I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be so blunt.  Aren’t you?  I mean, it’s cool if that’s something that’s evolving or something for you… I mean… are you and Sydney okay?  Does she know?  Did something happen with someone else…?

Shannon: Sydney and I are fine.  Yes, she knows.  Technically, something happened with someone else.  She was with me when I had it done.  

Emily: It… done…?

Shannon: I got artificially inseminated.

Emily: You… what?  

(Emily’s pale skin would turn a whiter shade of pale at this and even the limits of her awesome sisterliness would clearly be tested.)

Shannon: I got arti-

Emily: Okay, so I did hear you correctly. I… don’t understand.  You’re still in college; you still have senior year left after this year is done…

Shannon: Which will be in about a month.

Emily: True, but still.  I mean, how far along are you?

Shannon: About two months and a half months.  

(I would duck my head for the onslaught I knew would be coming.  Suddenly the chicken sandwich would be very important to study.)

Emily: Two and a half MONTHS?  You’ve known for two and a half months and you didn’t say anything?

Shannon: Well, we didn’t know if it would take.  Technically, you’re not supposed to say anything until the end of the first trimester.  

Emily: But why didn’t you talk to me about it before?  When you were deciding?  She didn’t pressure you into this did she?  I know she comes from a big family…

Shannon: She does, but no, she didn’t pressure me at all.  In fact, she said until she met me, she wasn’t sure she wanted to have children.

(It would likely be about here that the floodgates open, if I had to guess.)

Emily: But you guys aren’t even married yet.  And now that you can get married in NJ, don’t you want to do that first?  I mean, how will you raise a child?  Where will you live?  Are you staying in school?  You have to stay in school!  Will you be able to stay in school?  You have such a high GPA!  This will be so hard!  What will you do with the baby when you’re both in school, since Syd still has her senior year left and then med school?  If you’re nearly three months along, that means you’ll probably be giving birth right around Thanksgiving, which is right before the holidays and finals and…

Shannon: Okay, okay, hang on.  One thing at a time.

(Emily would take a deep breath and slow down.  Lower her voice.)

Emily: Sha-Sha, I’m just worried about you.  Why now?

Shannon: Well, it started when I read an article about how miscarriage rates are higher the older you get…

Emily: Yeah, but mom had both of us just fine in her forties.  

(Here, I would have to pause.  I knew it would have to be talked about.  But it was likely to be the hardest part of the conversation.)

Shannon:  Yes… and… and she’s gone, Em. Sixty-three years old and she’s gone.  They both are.  Neither she nor daddy will see me graduate from college or get married.  Don’t you remember how tired they were when you had rehearsals or when I had dance class?  And it just got worse.  

Emily: Okay, fine.  

(Emily would look away, down the street, up at the sky, or maybe try to find a waiter to refresh her diet Coke. After a deep breath, she would be able to continue.) 

Emily:Fine.  But a) that’s not necessarily the norm and b) no one said you had to wait until you were forty-two or forty-five mom did.  Why not when you’re thirty or so?  Then Syd will be done with med school and residency, I think, and actually be bringing in money.  You’ll be able to focus on getting tenured and then you could’ve…

(I’d hold up a hand to have her stop.)

Shannon: Because doing it now, I’ll be able to enjoy the baby, and the process with all the stamina I have.  The baby will only be six months old by the time I get done with school.  I can handle my GPA until then.  Professors always work with students who have families, or other needs to work around, if they know in advance and you show that you’Å•e working hard.  Then I can stay at home and raise the baby while Syd continues to med school.  Her parents said they’d help us out…

Emily: Wait, you told her parents before you told me?!  

Shannon: I’m sorry!  We only told them this past weekend.  We were trying to start getting things in order… They offered to watch the baby sometimes, and also to help us get an apartment if we can’t get into family housing for the fall.  And since Syd has six brothers and sisters, five of whom are local and love kids, there are a ton of built-in babysitters.  Plus Rutgers has childcare facilities for students.  And… well, if you might be interested or able, you could maybe watch the baby sometimes, too?

(Emily would look at me, scrutinizing what I’d said.)

Emily: So you are staying in school?

Shannon:  Yes.  I want to finish out my degree, then focus on the baby until it’s old enough to go to school.  Probably get a part-time job, maybe do some freelance writing.  Syd and I have started talking about getting married once we graduate next spring.  But the bottom line is I want to be home and enjoying the process, not juggling a career and taking care of my kid during the most formative years.

Emily: Okay.  I guess I can understand that.  But babies are expensive, you know?  Food, diapers, clothes, doctors, activities.  The money mom and dad left us isn’t going to last forever.

Shannon:  I know, I know.  We’re trying not to freak out over it all.  Right now, we’re still making a plan.  Currently, I’m working part-time at the school library.  I can continue that right up until the doctor says I can’t.  Syd’s and my school is paid for, at least for our Bachelor’s.  Her parents said they’d help us with an apartment in the fall, maybe the summer, even.  She’s got the weekend bartending job that can go full-time in the summer.  We both have health insurance, and the baby will be covered.  I really think we can make this work.  People make it on so much less than this.  We’re actually really lucky to have such supportive family like you…

(I would give my sister my best yet cheesiest your-little-sister-needs-you smile and Emily would roll her eyes.  But she would also smile that of-course-I’m-here-for-you smile.  There might be a hint of I-still-think-you’re-a-bit-crazy-to-do-this-now, but the support and love would trump the fears.)

Emily: Alright, alright. I’ll baby-sit the little rugrat.  

(End scene. Roll credits.)

It was a nice interaction.  It gave me confidence.

As I shook my head from the reverie, I saw my sister coming towards my table.  I took a deep breath, and prayed our conversation would play out similarly in real life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Genalissa Smith lives the gorgeous state of Mississippi and is exceptionally grateful for her family and friends. Her passions include singing, dancing, cuddling, theater, reading, writing, and driving. It is a distinct dream of hers to one day have tea and chocolate with Darren Criss, Crystal Bowersox, and RuPaul.