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As for Jarrod, the lies, manipulation, pain, and the fact that her child would go without its father would surely bring him plenty of pain and suffering. She did not want her child to have anything to do with that scumbag, of course, but her kid wouldn’t know what he had done. And she wouldn’t tell him or her. All she could do was try her best to help them cope with not having a father. However, even that attitude did not eliminate the heartbreak and guilt caused by falling for his tricks and having sex with him, therefore throwing away the one thing she could give to only person once in her life, her virginity.
Jarrod seemed nice at first, telling Hannah that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and that she was different than other girls and special. She felt lucky that he treated her like a queen by talking sweet and buying her stuff. His malicious charm pulled her in, and by the morning after having sex with him she knew she had made a mistake, which became clear when Jarrod dropped all contact with her. He had duped her; she wasn’t the first and probably wouldn’t be the last.
The feelings of dread and uncertainty mixed with the bulging void of regret over the next few hours. The thought of raising a child on her own sent pulses of fear through her. She shuddered at the thought of all the pain of childbirth, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. And that did not even touch upon the anxiety of making sure the kid grows up right, and having to deal with the inevitable temper tantrums, chicken pox, and eventually the conversation of how they came to be.
As the thoughts terrified her, one idea stabbed her mind like a heated ice pick. There was a solution that would make everything go away, however many frown upon it. When the idea of getting an abortion came to mind, it gave her a sense of relief; however feelings of guilt and shame trotted close behind. Sure, the problem of having a child would go away, but Hannah worried if she could live with herself doing that. And ever worse, she could never take it back and any regret would stay for the rest of her life.
As she contemplated the decision, Hannah realized that she had a human life in her hands, a child with a future who could grow up to be the President, be the first human to step foot on Mars, or even cure cancer. Sure, each of those is a long shot, but who is she to deny a human life the right to try at least? And this was not just any human; it was a child to be born from her flesh and blood that is truly incapable of caring for itself.
The idea of taking away the life of her child sent shivers through Hannah and she made her decision. She would have this baby. She would love it and make sure that it had everything he or she needs to have the best life possible. It would be hard and she knew it would make her the subject of ridicule, however, the thought that it will be worth it in the end filled her with confidence and conviction.
Normally weekends have been a time for having fun and relaxing, but the last two hours of the gloomy Saturday morning were like a rickety emotional roller coaster careening from shock and fear, to relief and hope. But one more slope stood before her, one that Hannah feared the most; she would have to tell her parents eventually, and she rather not let the secret fester and allow her parents see any signs of her pregnancy without knowing the truth.
Hannah predicted many more roller coaster rides ahead, but she decided that this one ends here and now. Her mind raced like a feral cat upon its discovery by a pack of wild dogs, but unlike a wild, instinct driven feline, Hannah had parents she had faith in, but faith is easily broken.
The short walk down the hall felt like a hundred mile trek down a bed of hot coals as Hannah made her way to the living room. Her parents didn’t lift their heads from their preferred section of the newspaper as Hannah sat down on the fluffy love seat. But why would they? On what seemed like a regular, lazy Saturday morning. However, this particular morning was far from regular and soon would not be the least bit relaxing for any of them.
Taking a breath, Hannah spoke. “Mom, dad, I have something I sorta need to tell you.” Her legs shaking as she said this.
Lowering the sports section a few inches, her dad looked at her and replied. “Sure deary, talk away.”
“Well, you know how Jarrod like broke up with me a few weeks ago?” Hannah said watching for the angry looks that would surely come. Her mom and dad never liked Jarrod, and after what he did to her, she finally knew why.
“Yes, and am glad you aren’t with him anymore. I never liked that boy and I hope you’re over him by now.” Her dad said with a gruff tone full of spite.
“You can like kinda say that I am, because there are more important things to worry about now. Such as the fact that he left me because he had no further use for me after he became my first.” Hannah said awaiting her dad’s reaction.
“First what?” Her dad said in denial.”
Hannah choked on the words before her mom spoke out. “You had sex with that jerk?”
Tears began flowing and Hannah felt like a two year old as she cried loudly, her dad just looked at her with a red face and bulging eyes, the color left her mom’s face leaving her looking cold and ghostlike.
“Yes okay, I had sex with him and it was stupid. And I’m pregnant.” Hannah spat out before crying again.
“That is why we taught you abstinence…But that’s said and done and now we need to take care of this.” Her mom said.
“Well, I guess what they say about abstinence being useless is true. Well, I can take you to one of the abortion clinics in tricities and we can get it taken care of for good. Then we can forget about it and no dating or being near boys period. Once you can take care of a baby on your own you can do whatever the hell you please.”
As tears flowed down Hannah’s face, her father’s words angered her beyond anything he’d ever said.
“Shut up dad, I’m not getting an abortion! I made a mistake and now I am going to make things right and have this baby and take care of it. And don’t give me a speech about how hard it will be and that I won’t be able to finish school and all because I get it, I know things will be hard and will do whatever it takes to get through them. If you have any objections I’ll just go stay with Aunt Mira. She at least will understand. Plus her and Cayla would help without complaining.”
Hannah’s parents went silent for a moment. “Fine then, if you want it that way then so-be-it. Go ahead and call your aunt and she can deal with all the BS, because your father and I have too much going on to deal with taking care of you and this bastard child.” The words stabbed Hannah in the heart like a red-hot steak knife.
“Okay then, I will. Thanks for the wonderful support.” Hannah spit out as she ran back upstairs holding back further tears.
The tears kept coming for what felt like hours before she composed herself enough to call her aunt, who would understand having had her own child at only 16. Her cousin Cayla was only a little over a year and a half older and the two were always close. She of all people would be nice about this.
The call lasted two hours and left hope within Hannah by the time it ended. She was right; her Aunt understood and welcomed her to stay with the small family composed of just her and Cayla. She of course was very upset and had a lot to say to her sister for treating Hannah that way and guaranteed she had words for her.
Hannah started packing despite her Aunt’s promise to try talking sense into her mother and two days later, she sat next to Cayla as they drove two hours south to her new home. Maybe her parents would realize their mistake, but then again maybe they wouldn’t. For now, things were looking up and Hannah kept a place in her heart open for her parents if they ever wanted to make up. But she wouldn’t hold her breath or waste time wishing, for she had a life that depended on her staying healthy for the next 8 months and would need her care for the next 18 years. Thankfully, she had someone who cares and who had been where she was. Hannah knew there was indeed good people in this world but that they are not always your parents.