Everybody knew, of this she was certain. She walked down the corridor, leaving her last class of the week behind. She pulled the hood of her green and gold college hoodie down to shield herself from their sidelong glances.
A few more steps and she burst out into the crisp, late autumn day. The trees were nearly barren; only a few determined leaves still clung desperately to the safety they had always known. That was what Arabelle had to do now. She needed to find someone, something to which she could cling.
Home. She would go home. Maybe there were answers there. Maybe there was help. She just could not face this alone, not without someone she trusted.
She tossed her bag into the passenger seat of her car then climbed in. When she was finally alone, she let out a moan of despair. She started the car and sat there allowing it to warm up before she started on the drive to her parents’ house.
How was she going to tell her mom that she was pregnant? What would her father say? She saw their faces flash before her eyes, the disappointment too much for her.
Her head fell to the steering wheel, tears filling her eyes. She was finally proving herself. She was finally doing something good with her life, making her family proud. One night of not thinking clearly and she had thrown everything out the window.
Now, she had to go home to face her family. She needed them more than anything but the fear of telling them–the fear of not yet even knowing what she wanted–held her there to the rapidly emptying parking lot.
She wiped away the tears, sat up and turned on the radio. She had to face things eventually, so the sooner the better.
This was going to be the longest forty-minute drive of her life.
~ * ~
Arabelle pulled into the long driveway leading to her parents’ house. She grabbed her bag from the car and walked into the house. She kicked off her shoes before walking into the kitchen.
The brightly lit room held the aroma of the cooking pot roast. Arabelle saw her mother sitting the table sipping coffee, chatting with a guest. Both women turned and looked up at Arabelle. They looked like they had been waiting for her.
“I was wondering if you were coming home this weekend, Arabelle. Judy here was telling me that James came home this afternoon. He had a surprising announcement.”
Her mother had a slightly concerned look about her soft, beautiful face. Arabelle turned her gaze to Judy Farlane, James’ mother, and saw a glimmer of happiness in her eyes.
The two women had been friends for years. James and Arabelle had grown up together; their mothers had both been happy when they started dating senior year of high school. That was three years ago.
Her mother asked, “Do you want some coffee?”
Arabelle nodded then sat down.
“Mom, I need to talk to you,” she said quietly after accepting the steaming aromatic cup of coffee near the sink, away from Judy. “I… I’m pregnant.”
She watched her mother’s face trying to gage her reaction. She saw nothing startling in her mother’s gentle, loving green eyes.
She lowered her gaze to the coffee in her hands. She could see her reflection in the dark liquid. She continued. “The doctor said that I am about a month and a half along.”
“I already know,” her mother said, rubbing Arabelle’s arm in a reassuring manner. “Judy told me as soon as James told her. That’s why she’s here.”
Arabelle nodded. When she had told James that she was pregnant, he accepted it well. He almost looked happy at the news. It didn’t seem to matter to him that they were only juniors in college. Yesterday, he had asked her to marry him.
James had told her that he loved her. He said he would be a good husband. He said this was the best thing for the baby. Arabelle had assumed that he hurried home to tell his mother, especially since he seemed so confident that she would say yes even though she asked for some time.
She wasn’t sure what to do. In fact, she wondered if marrying James might be the biggest mistake that she could make.
Judy looked at her.
Arabelle stared at James’ mother, hoping that she might find an answer in her.
Instead, Judy smiled and said, “When do you and James plan to get married?”
Arabelle hesitated.
Judy laughed. It was a nice laugh, but it still cut Arabelle to the quick.
Judy said,m “I always thought that the two of you would get married! I assumed that it would be after you graduated college. I had plans for a beautiful outdoor summer wedding.”
Judy sighed.
She added, “I suppose a winter wedding will have to do. The sooner that you get married the better.”
But was it better?
Arabelle felt sick. Her world was caving in, turning upside down and inside out. Did she even get a say in this, she wondered? She wanted to scream. What in the word made James and his mother think that they could decide what was best for her? Just because she was carrying Judy’s grandchild didn’t mean she knew any better than Arabelle did.
She took a deep steadying breathe and slowly sipped her coffee. Arabelle replied as calmly as she could muster, “I am not sure that I want to marry James.”
She felt her mother freeze beside her. Judy laughed, this time sharply.
Judy said, “Of course, you want to marry him! You can’t have a baby out of wedlock! What would people think? It is the best thing for you, sweetie, and for the baby.”
“This isn’t the Fifties,” Arabelle argued. “No one will judge me.”
“Judy,” Arabelle’s mother said, her voice calm and warm, “you can’t push her into marrying James. She should only marry him if she loves him. No sense in making two mistakes.”
“Oh!” Judy huffed, “So marrying my James would be a mistake then?”
Her mother winced. “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.”
Arabelle shook her head and again fought back the urge to scream. It seemed that everyone wanted to make this choice for her. She didn’t even know if she loved James enough to marry him. Why trap him in a loveless marriage? Wouldn’t he care about that?
“This is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard,” Judy continued. “Ara should marry James. He would give her a good home. She wouldn’t have to finish college; she could stay home and take care of the baby all she wanted!”
“Enough!” Arabelle finally shouted. “Mrs. Farlane, as much as I respect you, this is something that I have to decide myself. Single moms raise their babies all the time.”
Judy stood. Her face looked puckered, as though she had tasted something sour. “Call me when you’ve made your decision then, Arabelle.”
When James’ mother was gone, Arabelle let out a heavy sigh, relief mixed with anguish.
She turned to her mother. “How am I supposed to make this decision, Mom? I don’t know what to do.”
“What did you and James talk about?” Her mother led her into the living room to sit near the fire. The warmth of the fire helped soothe Arabelle’s frayed emotions.
Arabelle sat on the floor, the plush rug a favorite spot of hers.
Her mother took the rocking chair. She gave Arabelle the silence she needed to collect her thoughts.
Arabelle spoke slowly. “He said that, when we marry, I can stay home with the baby. When the baby is old enough for school, I could return to college. I mean, it seems like a logical plan. It would give the baby both of its parents. It would have a good home to grow up in, be loved in. I guess it would be the easiest thing to do.”
She looked over at her mother searching her eyes for some sort of confirmation that she was on the right path, that giving her baby a traditional family would be best.
Her mother looked completely calm, as if this news was not a big deal.
Her mother said, “Do you want to postpone college?”
Arabelle sighed. “Not really. I worked so hard to get where I am at! I have a year and a half left. I feel like if I stop now that, even with the intention of going back, I won’t.”
Her mother nodded thoughtfully. “That is a possibility.”
Arabelle said, “I just don’t want all the time and effort I put towards my degree, all the money that you and Dad put towards it, to be for nothing. With a degree, I could really support myself and this baby.”
She watched as her mother rocked in the chair. Her mother said, “Do you think that you could be happy with James?”
Did she? Truly? He made her laugh. He was always there for her. But they liked a lot of different things. What if they had different opinions on how to raise a child? They’d never had to compromise before, especially on something so important.
And what if the baby was all that held them together? What happened when the baby grew up, and moved off to college? Would they even make it that far? Could they?
Arabelle pushed away the barrage of thoughts. She settled on saying, “He really wants to be there for us.”
Her mother smiled at her. “You do not have to be married for him to still be there for you both.”
It was then that Arabelle realized, rather than treating her like she was a child, her mother had been talking to her as if she was an adult, not just her daughter but her friend.
When she understood that her mother was not going to lecture her, she relaxed. She needed to talk to someone. Who better than the woman who had always been there for her?
“That crossed my mind, too,” she admitted. “I was hoping that we could just stay the way we are, maybe? We spend so much time together anyway. I don’t see that stopping unless James gets embarrassed if I turn him down. But if he was cool with everything, then it is not as if the baby would never see its dad. In a few years, if we were still together, I might change my mind.”
“There is always that. You could try living together first, too. See if you get along in close quarters,” her mother said, a gentle laughter in her tone.
Arabelle said, “I just don’t know if getting married is the right thing to do. We’re still young! What if we grow apart? We could marry and find we don’t truly love each other. I mean, I dated Ted and Corey in high school, but James is my first love.”
Her head throbbed. This was such a nightmare! She didn’t want to hurt James’ feelings. But she didn’t want to make such a huge decision for the wrong reason.
“James is a really great guy,” Arabelle said quietly. “I don’t doubt that he would be a good husband. I just–Judy will hate me–but I don’t know if he is the husband for me.”
Arabelle turned away from her mother. She had been battling with all of those questions since she found out she was pregnant, even more so when James asked her to marry him. Sweet, funny, nice James who had always been so caring.
Tears filled her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. She did not bother to wipe them away. She was safe here.
Could her baby would be safe here, too?
Arabelle moved over to sit at her mother’s feet as she had done so often as a child. Tears streamed silently down her face.
“I can’t, Mom,” she cried. She laid her head on her mother’s lap. “I can’t marry someone just because I am pregnant. I’d always wonder if James proposed because he loved me or because he felt responsible for me.”
Her mother stroked Arabelle’s hair.
She finally felt as if she was safe again. There was so much that lay ahead of her. So much that she would have to overcome. Tucked inside that moment, though, she knew that her mother would be there for her and her baby.
This was all she needed to make a good home.